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Pacifier, TheAfter Pitch Black, The Fast And The Furious and xXx, it seemed Vin Diesel could do no wrong. Of course, that was before The Chronicles Of Riddick came along to blot his Hollywood copybook and suggest audiences were tiring of his mean and moody persona. Clearly a change of direction was called for, and the result is The Pacifier, a family-friendly caper that sees Diesel undercutting his macho image as an undercover babysitter. Unfortunately, in the hands of Bringing Down The House director Adam Shankman, this charm offensive is more offensive than charming.
When we meet Shane Wolfe (Diesel), he's a tough-as-nails, no-nonsense commando masterminding a daring rescue operation on the high seas. But when a mission ends with the murder of a key witness, Wolfe is ordered to protect the dead man's family - an assignment that sees him playing nanny to four far-from-adorable children and one bad-tempered pet duck.
"And they say war is hell!" Wolfe mutters as he grapples with unruly teenagers, juice boxes, Girl Scouts and soiled nappies. Inevitably, it's not long before he's warming to his charges, becoming their all-purpose bodyguard, confidante and surrogate mom.
Yes, folks, it's Kindergarten SEAL, though any hopes Diesel might replicate Arnie's career-resuscitating transition from muscle man to family entertainer are dashed by a script so free of laughs it's virtually a drama.
Shankman desperately wants us to root for Diesel, but his star only looks at home in beefcake mode - kicking lumps out of ninjas, for example, or teaching a bullying vice principal (Brad Garrett of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' fame) a lesson. Ask him to read a story or sing a song and the results are beyond excruciating, with Diesel failing to conceal his discomfort or embarrassment. Both will be felt in abundance by everyone over ten who wastes their hard-earned cash on this lame-brained farrago.
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