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Botched
Stephen Dorff's thief is sent on one last job to Moscow, but things go very wrong when he and several others get stuck in the thirteenth floor of a tower block. European comedy-horror
There's no getting round it: Stephen Dorff and Sean Pertwee have been in so many low-rent or just plain lame movies that their presence is now like a warning alarm. You see their names, you know the movie is probably going to be duff. And when they both appear on the same cast list, it's a cause for concern. Botched is not the most rubbish film either actor has been involved with, it won't help them shake off that low-rent status. The film starts out as a straight heist movie, with three thieves led by Ritchie Donovan (Dorff) smoothly carrying out a diamond robbery. Then it all suddenly goes wrong, leaving Ritchie, diamond-less and limping away. His boss, Mr Groznyi (Pertwee), is decidedly unhappy with this outcome. As Ritchie owes Groznyi a substantial debt, the boss has the power to send him on one more big job, to steal an antique crucifix from the penthouse of a tower block in Moscow. There he teams up with the sadistic Peter (Foreman) and his put-upon brother Yuri (Smith). After managing to seize the crucifix, they're heading back down in the lift, which fills up with other folk from the building. Then it gets stuck on an apparently unused thirteenth floor. The criminals, who take the others hostage, at first assume it's the building security that has stopped the lift - but then things start getting bloody. One young hostage gets decapitated ("I take him to the lift. The door opens. Big scissors. The head comes off. And here it is," Peter explains), then Ritchie finds some freshly-flayed facial skin. Ick. As the group splits and bickers and struggles for power, they realise there's something on the floor that's out to get them. In fact, the floor is inhabited by an insane killer (Baker-Duly) who fancies himself a descendent of Ivan the Terrible, and whose similarly insane twin sister Sonya (Gallagher) is among the hostages. Will anyone survive the thirteenth floor? Do we even care? Well, writers Derek Boyle and Eamon and Raymond Friel put a bit of effort into defining the characters enough for us to invest a little interest in them. Ritchie wants out of the game, but has to pay off his debt. Young reporter Dmitry (O'Connor) is a sweet nerd. Boris (Bell) is a security guard who claims to be an ex-member of the Russian special forces. ("I am what psychologists would call alpha-male. I know how these people think. I'm a trained killer myself"). Actually he is the biggest coward. Then there's the obligatory babe, Anna (Murray), whose character is defined by being pleasant and having a substantial cleavage. Unfortunately, the dialogue is rudimentary and the Irish and British actors doing comedy Russian accents get a bit trying. The writers also neglect to give the story much substance, with the whole film descending into a poor imitation of early Peter Jackson or Sam Raimi splat-stick comedy horror that actually has more in common with one of those 'Scooby Doo' episodes where Mystery Inc and whatever bad guys they're pursuing spend the whole time running in and out of doors and up and down corridors. Director Kit Ryan, making his debut, piles on the goofy humour as the numbers dwindle and the killer, a blood-splattered heavy-metaller, dances around after his victims, stopping to turn on disco lights as he goes. It's either vaguely audacious or desperately silly depending on how much you click with the film's panto sense of humour. Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of the whole endeavour is how seriously Dorff plays it, as if he was sent an entirely different script to the rest of the cast. It's not like he's the straight man for the gags, he's just dour and uncharismatic. Which is a slight problem as he's the topped billed star. Verdict A hit-and-miss comedy-horror. Mostly miss. |
