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Awake
Old Mannequin Skywalker Hayden Christensen finally gets his comeuppance for crimes against the acting craft in Joby Harold's risible thriller, an absolute dead cert for the 2008 Golden Raspberry Awards
Poor Clay Beresford (Christensen.) One minute he's the richest man in New York, romping with Sam (Alba) in the bath and fishing under the Brooklyn Bridge with his surgeon pal Neyer (Howard). The next he's conscious, on an operating table, with bad men tugging, quite literally, at his heartstrings and a drunk Shooter McGavin (McDonald) from Happy Gilmore as his only hope. Tough break, kid. While it would normally be considered sacrilege to give away a film's best scene, Harold's dumb-as-a-sack-of-hammers script blows its load before the opening credits. Apparently 30,000 people a year suffer from anaesthetic awareness, as Beresford's condition is known, and the production notes warn that Awake "may not be suitable for those about to undergo surgery". Too bad, really, because the last 20 minutes have a remarkable narcoleptic power which might negate the need for knockout drugs in the first place. An inauspicious project from the off, Awake features what is perhaps cinema's most punchable screen couple in Alba and Christensen. Outacted by his egregious sideparting, it's not so much a heart transplant Christensen needs as a talent transplant. The man can't even shave convincingly. But it's Harold who should really be facing the critical hangman. Though it provides several icky moments (imagine the excruciating opening of The Diving Bell And The Butterfly with a touch more goo and a tad less finesse), anaesthetic awareness has no actual relevance to the plot. Christensen may be awake, but he can't do anything to save himself except sulk, pout and perve over Alba, so it's left to his mum (Olin) to bring in expert surgeon Neyer. "These hands have been inside presidents!" Howard Sr warbles, one of the best-worst lines in history, although it gets some pretty stiff competition. "My heart may be weak but my mind is strong," claims our hero, a piece of dialogue so awful it could have been said by the young Padwan himself. Rest assured, Christensen won't be the only one in stitches during this lobotomised dross. Verdict Imagine it's a comedy and pray for the end. This is, after all, what everyone else seems to be doing. |
