All About SteveClaudia Puig"Quiet time might be real good right now," growls a burly truck driver (M.C. Gainey) to Sandra Bullock's uber-chatty character in the thuddingly unfunny All About Steve. Those sentiments capture precisely what most audience members may be thinking within minutes after the opening credits. Bullock plays Mary Magdalene Horowitz, a crossword-puzzle constructor for a Sacramento newspaper. She's brainy, peculiar and forces arcane data upon everyone within shouting distance. Mary is particularly prone to artless voice-over comparisons of real life with her beloved crossword puzzles. Bullock has played the spunky oddball before, but it's not her strong suit. Mary, while undeniably offbeat, also is one-dimensional and not very self-aware. She always wears bright red boots, and we don't learn why, nor do we get a sense of her inner workings, until almost the end of the movie. And by then we don't really care. Her parents (Howard Hesseman and Beth Grant) set Mary up on a blind date. Her gentleman caller turns out to be hunky TV news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper). Mary's sublimated desires go into overdrive. But she scares him off with her non-stop talking, weird comments and voracious enthusiasm. Then she writes an unprofessional crossword puzzle "all about Steve," loses her job and goes on a cross-country stalk-a-thon to convince him that they are meant to be together. None of these events are even remotely humorous. Since she's a know-it-all and a lover of words and obscure information, it's a wonder Mary doesn't realize that all her prattling could be a sign of logorrhea - excessive, uncontrollable talkativeness. Her constant chatter is meant to be funny, but it mostly annoys. All About Steve manages to be both toothless and tasteless in its satire of TV news sensationalism. The stories that Steve covers include a baby born with three legs. The child's parents must decide whether or not to amputate. A media circus ensues, complete with "pro-leg" supporters and "anti-leg" advocates. Mary joins the throngs. Later, a sappy conclusion shows Mary can fire up a loving crowd of off-kilter fans, while televised journalism can only muster media frenzies. While TV news is well worth skewering, this attempt at farce couldn't be clumsier. Why would such talented actors as Bullock, Cooper, Thomas Haden Church and Ken Jeong sign on for something so dreadful? Amid her jabber, Mary reveals that she can apologize in 17 different languages. Perhaps the filmmakers owe us a simple one in English. ?© Copyright 2009 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Co. Inc. |
